The Russians are Coming

The Russians Are Coming
The View from the Middle

Thank God for our stalwart and unbiased mainstream media. They have just uncovered more frightening proof that the Trump campaign was in cahoots with the slimiest of Russian operatives. So slimy, in fact, that they would send chills down the spine of one of my personal heroes, 007, James Bond.
It was revealed today that Attorney General Jeff Sessions attended a cocktail party in Washington D.C. where he brazenly ordered a Black Russian nightcap. The mainstream media was quick to decipher this act for what it was. This was a clear signal that Jeff Sessions is both a racist and a traitor. Thank God they caught this.
Later in the day they discovered that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson had actually read both Crime and Punishment AND War and Peace. Some may mistake Mr. Tillerson’s action as the simple act of an eclectic speed reader, but thank God for the media who exposed this for what it was; an obvious outreach to the Russian FSB (the new name for the KGB). I have to admit that I would have missed this one. Thanks, MSM.
And the piece de resistance was just released. You may not have even heard of it, but the lamestream (I mean mainstream) media partnered with the largest Beatles Fan Club in America to discover that if you play Donald Trump’s inaugural speech backwards and at slow speed, you can clearly hear Trump saying, “I love Russia more than America”. They are pretty sure they also heard, “Paul is dead”. Wow, this is real investigative reporting.
Thank God for their diligence and the fact that they have also saved us from wasting our time on the really unimportant stories. For example, the United States sold 20% of our uranium mining assets to the Russians while millions of dollars flowed into the Clinton Foundation from the Chairman of Uranium One (the company sold to the Russians). How could there possibly be a connection? Thanks for flushing that story down the lamestream media toilet for us.
Then there was Bill Clinton’s half million-dollar payoff for making a speech to Renaissance Capital, a Russian investment bank that was promoting the sale of Uranium One stock to Kremlin controlled Rosatom. There couldn’t be a connection to the fact that his wife was Secretary of State, could there? Almost all of his big payoffs did just happen to occur while she was in that role, but come on, that’s just a coincident, right? Thanks for steering us clear of that potential rabbit trail.
And finally, there was President Obama’s open mic moment when he whispered to then Russian President Dmitry Medvedev, “I’ll have more flexibility after my election.” Everyone knows he was talking about the yoga classes he was planning on taking with Hillary after his election. What else could he be talking about during his missile defense discussion at Seoul? Thanks, lamestream.
Let’s be perfectly honest. Jeff Sessions is an honorable guy who was asked a tortured, finely defined question by Al Franken and answered it honestly. He shouldn’t even have had to recuse himself from the investigation on the Trump campaign’s connection with Moscow. Most of all because there is no connection despite the Democrats’ and lamestream media’s desperate attempts to create one. But Jeff Sessions did the honorable thing and recused himself. We have enough dishonorable, pathological liars in Washington to investigate before we go after one of the good guys!